Life goes on

I am almost resigned to being a full-time patient this past fortnight, although an impatient one. I have  been suffering the worst flu I have had for some time while having to spend endless hours in medical appointments. No creative photography these past few weeks just lots of MRIs, as part of my now annual medical follow-up.  Will this damn flu ever end?

The follow up scans are needed as I seem to have a few asymptomatic bony lesions on the sacrum,  which no one has been able to fully diagnose. Due to my cancer history and current diagnosed condition everyone is hedging their bets and I don't want a biopsy as I have no symptoms.  Will wait to see what the recommendation is this time around.

But the knee pain had returned after I started running on sand.It was the right knee not the left which I fractured in 2011. I asked my neuromuscular registrar about it but she said an MRI wont show anything. Phew - who was she trying to kid? Luckily she was overruled by the specialist who agreed to refer me to have the knee scanned again. This is now the main thing that is holding me back from being able to continue my comeback to running and any other kind of regular physical activity.

For most of last year my right knee has been painful and swollen. This in addition to painful tight muscles made it difficult to walk any distance and I had assumed that the knee swelling and muscle issues were related.  Turns out it was not so - the residual problem in the knee is  a medial meniscal tear.   I knew about the meniscal damage since last years scans but the sports doctor I saw then assured me that it was not the reason for the swelling and pain.  Late last year I saw a physio who told me it was osteoarthitis because I  was a runner and because of my age (i.e. old). I went to see another physio who said it was meniscus damage - without having access to any scans.  He showed me how to tape the knee to unload the medial aspect. The taping and specific muscle strengthening exercises helped to get me to stage where I started to run pain free at the start of this year. I am hoping for a quick fix and will be looking to see a knee surgeon for an opinion.

But the flu and the pain in the knee did not stop me from dancing the night away at a Harry Potter themed 21st/farewell party.   Life goes on...(without running for now!)

Bubble, bubble toil and trouble a pinch of weed and....

Birthday girl 

Sunny Days & Sunny Boys

I am addicted to running.  It is more then just running to me, it is who I am, it defines me. The addiction explains why we obsess over niggles or run through injuries or have endless, and often unproven treatments, just to make sure we can continue to run.  In the past when my GP  commented on my low resting heart rate or my excellent blood pressure, smugly I would answer - of course it is because I am a runner.  Now my resting heart rate is much higher, my blood pressure is low and my body fat is many percentage points higher then when I was running. Can I still claim to be a runner?

A feeling of a runners high - a picture I wish I had taken.

I am like a recovering addict, I have my good days and have my bad days. Being a yo-yo is tiring, I want to be accepting and grateful for what I have in my life right now and not give up hope for what might be in the future.

I though I was over my addiction to running until I met Hammer for breakfast last Sunday at Belmoral.  He ran the Mosman Reversed long Sunday training run while I went for a short walk to Chowder Bay.  I have run the Mosman course so many times and I loved that it always challenged me and I would arrive at the rotunda absolutely spent but euphoric that I managed to do it yet again.   Run a long distance in training, over challenging terrain in heat and humidity having chatted to old/new acquaintances along the way. A sense of  accomplishment and an achievement of a better me. I did not train because I wanted to win, I just wanted to challenge myself to do  the best I can. Never confident in my ability and always testing and pushing what I thought were my limits.  The feeling of overcoming my weaknesses would carry me until the next fix.

Being at the finish of Sunday's training run, meeting people I would have run with in the past was a powerful reminder of just what I have lost. Seeing the exhaustion, the satisfied grins on faces and the happy chatter I felt like an outsider standing under the rotunda, I no longer belonged. All I can do is watch but I am unable to connect and there was no camera to hide behind. I could not distance myself, I could not share the joy and I did not wish to be a wet blanket by detailing my 'injuries'. The depth of my despair with my 'injuries' did not belong in this setting. I think it is funny that people still ask how my injury is going.  The last person to asked me that question did not wait for an answer but proceeded to tell me how their injury flares up after three and half hours of running. Sweet lord, if only I had an injury like that.  Even I can't call what has happened to me a disease as it is somehow and admission of something beyond my control. I refer to it as a condition, it sounds a lot more manageable. According to my logic it OK to be around healthy people when you have a condition but not when you have a disease.

Going to a sea-side cafe for breakfast with Hammer, Matt and Brig afterwards was nice but there were no post-run endorphins to add that extra kick. The following morning I was surprised by hot tears welling up in my eyes and streaming down my cheeks as I recalled my rotunda realisation.

The other end of the emotional yo-yo was the absolute highlight of the year -  last week Hammer and I went to see the Sunny Boys perform live as a support act to Elvis Costello - A Day on the Green at Bimbedgen Winery in the Hunter Valley.

For one sweet afternoon, nearly 30 years melted away and once again I felt like an infatuated 21 year old singing along to songs that back then were so profound and had so much meaning. Life was so simple then, but I definitely would not want to go back there. Psychologist Søren Kierkegaard said:

 Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backwards.

My photography has stalled a bit over the past few weeks. Suffering a shocking flu and endless medical appointments.  Good news and sunny days must surely follow.

Happy pills !

Back on the trails

Knapsack 3/6 hour Lap Race, January 26, 2013

Spent Australia Day this year in the lower Blue Mountains for the running of the Knapsack 3/6 hour lap race. Rather then meet with friends over a drink to celebrate, we met with friends over a few hours of running 5km laps of stunning bush trails near Glenbrook.

Hammer entered the 6hr solo event. He had not done this type of event before so he was keen to see how he would cope with the idea of running laps. It turned out to be a hot and humid day with mid-day temperatures in the mid 30's.  I was very proud to see him valiantly go lap after lap for the entire 6  hrs. Great effort from someone not known for coping well with heat and humidity.  Took me two and a half hours to covered one lap walking and  taking pictures, while Hammer managed nine laps in just under six hours.   Hammer ran again the next day while it took me the next three days to recover from stiff muscles and fatigue.  

I took my third eye (Canon 60D)  to try and capture something of the beauty of the landscape and the joy of running, oh and of course the focus and determination of racing.   

Australians all lets us rejoice, for we are young and free.....Start of the Knapsack 3/6 hour Lap Race.

The winner of the men's 6hr event, on the way to completing the first of his 14 laps.

Hammer time, still smiling despite the heat and humidity.

Smiling all the way to the finish.

These ladies ran like a precision machine for 6 hours.

Great view east from a lookout and a nice breeze from the valley below.

Trying to be creative!